Is my toddler a vampire?

3 easy ways to check.

Ok. So this is super embarrassing. Daycare just called and apparently your little Suzy is at it again. Ralphie came home with little red bite marks and mama and papa aren’t happy.

If your child is indeed a vampire, don’t be alarmed. If the Twilight series are correct, there shouldn’t be any harm keeping them around the Prek crowd who are likely immune to the transition to vampiredom via biting. You might want to keep them at bay from adult dinner parties and your slutty friend Rachel.

Next, ask yourself these questions

1) does your child like to sleep in the day and keep you up all night ? This could be a sign of vampireness. If your little one is a good sleeper you are a-ok.

2) does your child seem to like the taste of blood? Try giving them a medium-rare raw burger. If your child likes it, you might have a problem. If they prefer only white foods like pasta and butter, you are in the clear !

3) lastly, bring some garlic and a cross to daycare and ask your child’s daycare teacher to wave it in your child’s face the next time they attempt biting. If this works to stop biting, you may have a vampire issue to sort out.

That said, in all likelihood, your biting toddler is not indeed a vampire, but may just need a little extra love. Biting, contrary to popular belief, and though unpleasant to the unlucky “bightee” is not a serious cause for alarm.

Try these 4 things and if they don’t work, simply google how to stop my toddler from biting and you’ll find lots of useful and much not useful unsolicited advice from the self-appointed gurus of the internet, because, biting is quite common among children your child’s age.

1) try giving your child something soft, comforting and, even better, somewhat chewable to bring to daycare. Kindly explain that it may be a better choice than Lila’s arm.

2) if that doesn’t work, your child may be teething. The stuffy to bite or one of those cool amber necklaces the hippy kids wear might be just the trick.

3) ask your child’s teacher to give your little buddy some extra love if they’re inclined to bite. Being away from mama and papa for the first time is tough! And they may be experiencing some anxiety !

4) ask to visit the daycare to make sure everything is nice and comfortable for your sweetie-pie. If not, pull your kiddo out of that stupid-ass place ! Not all daycare centers are great and your child might be sending a sign they are unhappy.

I hope this helps, and if not and it does turn out your toddler is a vampire, just be sure to carry some spare garlic around in your pocket.

The author, Manisha Snoyer, is a Prek teacher and the co-Founder of Modulo. We make learning at home easy.