The gift of time.

I have a gift for you mama, and it’s what you’ve always wanted! More time.

I need more time with my kids.

I need more time to focus on my career.

I need more time to sleep!

I need more time to spend with my partner.

I need just one hour to go to the gym! Please, just one!

If only I had one week to go on a retreat.

I’m sorry, but I’m so busy, single friend Sally, I just don’t have time to see you.

I feel guilty, but actually what I secretly want is more “me-time.” Does that make me a bad mom?

No, it does not. And I’m going to give it to you.

Taking care of yourself, nurturing yourself, giving yourself the time you need for you is the single most important way that you can nurture your children. Nurture you and it will nurture them.

I know it seems impossible. But it’s not. You need more time. And I’m going to give it to you.

Have you ever thought about WHY you don’t have enough time?

“Because my kid wakes me up at 6am! and then it’s non-stop from there! School! Job! kids! daycare! Pick-up! Activities! Feeding my family. Putting them to bed. Oh, and then I have to care for my elderly parent too. Bedtime! Mommy, I need to pee! Mommy, I need some water! Oh wait, I need to pee again! 2am! I have a fever! 5am! I want to snuggle! 6am! I’m up, what are you still doing in bed!”

Sound anything like you?

But, in order to give you this gift of time, first I’m going to challenge you.

I don’t think that the real reason you don’t have enough time is because there aren’t enough hours in the day or that your job is nonstop. I don’t think time is elusive to you.

I think you don’t have enough time because you don’t have enough support.

Children were not meant to be raised in a vacuum. Children were not meant to be raised in a nuclear family. Children were not to meant to be raised by one parent doing all the work.

Children were meant to be raised in villages.

And yet today, moms (and dads) feel guilty asking for help. Our society puts all the burden on the parent, makes us pay out of our own pocket for daycare, refuses to give us paternity and maternity leave. It’s not fair.

You deserve more.

And so, to give you the time you need, I am going to teach you to create a village to raise your child. The village you deserve. The village that is your child’s birth right. Because it is NOT FAIR and NOT RIGHT and NOT EVEN GOOD FOR YOUR KIDS to ask you to do the impossible, to ask you to do it alone.

Recently, I asked several hundred friends who were parents if anyone had found a way to carve out more time. It was a simple question, but only a few had.

The parents I found who were able to carve out more time created cooperatives to raise their kids.

One of my dear friend’s, Lisa, is a homeschooling parent in the Bay area who has formed numerous cooperatives. Some of them worked well and some of them were a bust.

But of all of them, there was one that clearly worked the best. When her daughter was a baby, she teamed up with 4 other families who also had babies. One day a month each of the parents took all four children, which allowed the other parents to have some me-time. They could do whatever they wanted with their free time! Go on a date, just sit home and relax, take a nap.

This exchange worked so well for a couple reasons

1. It was really well structured. Everyone did their shift once a month on the same day. And everyone was committed to their shift. It was sacred.
2. The families shared values about parenting. It wasn’t tricky to get together a group of 4, but they spent the time needed to make sure they were aligned on what they most cared about.
3. The parents were easy-going and shared trust. They recognized that no one will have identical parenting styles, but once they were aligned on the core values, they trusted the other families to care for their child well.

The co-op only lasted a year officially, but 14 years later, these families are still friends. Each of the parent’s still cares deeply about each other’s children. While they might not communicate every day or even every month, they know they are there for each other. The children still have aunties and uncles they can turn to when they need extra support, a mentor and friend in addition to their parent.

In the last 5 years, building a project to help families share childcare via our online website, I’ve found that this method of setting up a structure between 4–5 families where everyone takes a shift once a month (or if the families are really devoted and committed once a week) tends to work better than any other model.

Finding the 4 other families may take a little work, but it’s not hard. Start asking around. Post to your parent groups, try our website to meet families near you.

And so, this is the gift of time I give you.

I know it’s a challenge. I know it’s different than the way you’ve been doing things. I know you might even feel like you don’t deserve the extra time, that there’s something wrong with you for feeling like you need extra help.

But it’s ok to ask for help and it’s ok to give yourself time.

You will benefit from the self-care and support. And your child will benefit from the extra nurturing you are giving to yourself.

So give it a try! If you need any extra help, I am here to support you every step of the way. Reach out in the comments section or send me a private message at manisha[at]joinlilypad.com

Should you accept my gift of time, let me know! I can’t wait to hear how it goes for you.

Much love and many blessings to you, mama. There is no one who gives more to our world, no one who is more important to the very fabric of our society and everything that makes it good and wholesome, than you. Thank you for your love, your wisdom and every way you nurture our children and our future every day. The future is you.